I have a scan today. Maybe it’s because I’ve had to reschedule it once due to train dramas last week, or because I know my hormone levels aren’t great at the moment, but I’m more nervous about it than I usually get, these days. I mean, I used to WEEP my heart out in the MRI; I’d shake uncontrollably with sobs and squeeze the alarm to my chest, tempted to get them to pull me out but also not wanting to prolong the horror of it any more — but these days, I have the most blissful dozes in the tube. I feel truly zen. It’s wonderful. This means I now get excited about the scans, sort of. It’s the only time when I don’t feel obligated to anyone or anything; the only place where I CANNOT check my phone or get a drink or help someone. Hopefully today I’ll feel the peaceful vibes, despite my nerves.