i received a lot of questions about how to set boundaries and realized that a lot of people didn\'t know where to start. boundary setting can be one of the most difficult things to do especially if you have never set a boundary, if you\'re dealing with a toxic person, if you don\'t know how to enforce them, and/or if you\'re the person who places the needs, feelings, and opinions of others before their own. boundaries are also difficult if you grew up in an environment where everything you said, did, needed, or wanted was less important than the people around you. in fact, other people\'s needs, behaviors, thoughts, and words were assumed to also be yours and you were reprimanded if you strayed from this. .
HOWEVER, setting boundaries is CRITICAL for healing. .
in order to set boundaries:
1. you need to understand that you have your own thoughts, feelings, needs, and desires. it\'s okay for these to be different than the person/people you\'re in a relationship with. you need to understand that you are an individual.
2. you need to be honest with yourself when something someone says or does HURTS you. no, you are NOT being overly sensitive.
3.although not okay, understand that hurtful behavior is not about you but about how the other person feels about and views themselves. you do not deserve to be hurt.
4.get clear on WHY this behavior(s) is not okay with you. how did it make you feel? what did it mean to you? what boundary did it cross?
5.directly communicate to others what you\'re not okay with, why, & how you prefer to be treated instead
6.stick with and enforce your boundaries .
setting and maintaining boundaries takes PRACTICE. take it step by step and have compassion with yourself. this is really hard. you may NEED to involve professionals, practitioners, coaches etc to help you with this. that\'s OKAY. steps 5 and 6 will definitely be the hardest for most. .
it\'s critical to understand that some people will never respect your boundaries. at this point, i hope you have the courage to choose yourself and let go/minimize contact with those people. #boundaries